Note: This is in place of Top Ten Tuesday. I wanted to participate, but I have lost most of my bookmarks. My good ones are somewhere else that I don’t have access too. I know it’s late, but that’s because I was trying to think of a way to participate.

The thought of you
Makes my heart sing
Makes me feel free
Makes me feel safe

Your touch
Sends electricity all through my body
Takes me to the moon
Makes me want to be closer

Your kiss
Makes me crave a thousand more
You are the one
I want to kiss the rest of my life

Your voice
Makes my heart beat fast
Makes me smile
I could talk to you for hours

You give me the world
With just one touch
You give me your everything
With just one kiss

In the darkness
You call my name
I reach to touch you
But I’m surrounded by darkness

In the darkness
I call for you
I long for you
I need you

I’m yours
Despite it all
Through the darkness
I belong to you

I run from you
I stumble and I fall
You find me
You pick me up

You kiss me
Then you fade away
I’m surrounded by smoke
Longing for you

Darkness surrounds me
It swallows me whole
I go to scream
But I don’t make a sound

I reach out for help
I feel the empty air
I am alone
Always alone

Tears stream down my face
As I try to fight
But the darkness takes hold
The darkness stays tight

Why can’t you see
How badly it hurts
How badly I need you
Can’t you hear me calling for you

My body gives up
I stop fighting
The darkness is too strong
It’s taking over

Then I hear him
The darkness goes away
I feel his arms and his gentle kiss
And everything is okay

He fought the darkness
When no one else would
He held me dearly
And I gave him my heart

There’s blood on the floor……

It’s mixing with the tears that fall from her face……

She’s cold……….

She’s scared……….

She’s used……….

She’s abandoned…………

She’s forgotten……….

She hurts……….

She cries……..

She bleeds…….

Nobody is there for her………

She wonders if anybody ever was………

Who in the world can look somebody in the eyes and say I’ve caused you pain and I’m happy about it???……

Who in this world can make somebody feel so alone so miserable………

Can’t you see she’s bleeding and crying? Bleeding and crying for you!

Why do you let her bleed on the floor?????

Why do you let her cry????

When do you see you’re the one to blame?

When does she get sick of it all and leave?????????

If I walk in, if I pick her up off the floor, if I make the bleeding stop, if I dry her eyes and sing to her………

Who am I?

Am I her?

Am I the one bleeding and crying on the floor?

Am I the one you slashed and left behind?

Am I the one you forgot?

Am I the one who needs to be stronger and not let you beat me down and make me cry??????????

Where do you turn when the one who was always there for you walks away?

What do you do when the one that’s always there to dry your eyes is the one making you cry?

When do you say enough?

When do you say I’m done?

When do you just get up and walk away?

When do they realize they hurt you?

When do they realize they bring you pain????

Will they ever learn?

Or is this the end

Shanna decided to move forward with her life. She decided to stop pursuing any relationships and focus on her senior year. Her senior year she meets a girl named Lacey who she realizes she has strong feelings for. She also admires Lacey greatly.

Lacey was everything Shanna felt like she could never be. She was confident. She was happy. She let herself follow her urges and desires and didn’t care what anybody thought about her. Many people would consider Lacey a bad influence as well as other things. Shanna never thought that. She thought Lacey was amazing.

Shanna and Lacey became the best of friends. They spent a lot of time in between classes that year. They walked each other to classes holding hands. They became surrounded by a group of friends who they adored. It was great. Shanna felt legitimately happy for the first time in a long time. She wasn’t constantly wondering about the what ifs.

Shanna graduated and never heard from Lacey again. She lost contact with many of the friends she made through school. Feeling depressed, she wound up going to hang out places that were out of her comfort zone. She met a guy there that she thought was wonderful. She would later find out that he was far from wonderful.

After the relationship ended, she spent several years going in and out of brief relationships. She didn’t want to stay with anybody long. She was scared. She didn’t want to be hurt in the way she had. She also didn’t want to come to terms with the fact that she was really into girls. She’d let a few people know about it, but still wasn’t ready to fully come out.

When Shanna turned twenty-seven, she met a wonderful man named Zane. Somebody she didn’t think existed. Somebody who had more in common with her than she ever thought would be possible. For almost five years, they were very happy, but as time went on, she started feeling like a huge part of her was missing. Not wanting to ruin things like she always did, she suppressed these feelings.

She kept suppressing these feelings for a quite awhile until something major happened to her. Shanna decided to attend an event that she knew would be amazing and good for her. This event was way out of her comfort zone, but she was excited.

(To Be Continued… Final part next Monday)

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On the outside, Shanna seemed like a very happy and well-balanced individual. Nobody could see the pain she faced. Nobody knew that she struggled with fears and depression every single day. Not even those close to her. Throughout the years, many people walked out of her life because they didn’t understand her. They didn’t know the real her.

When Shanna was nine, she experienced her very first crush. The realization humiliated and shamed her. Her first crush was on a girl. Her family was very religious. They practiced a very Southern Baptist faith. Knowing her family would never understand how she felt, she forced herself to pretend she didn’t feel the crush.

As time went on, she found herself crushing on many girls. She pushed the feelings back every time. She discovers that she also has crushes on boys too. So, she focuses her attention on that instead. She didn’t care if she pushed too far. It helped. At least for awhile.

When Shanna turned 14, she started high school. It had been a year since she felt a crush for any girl. She thought that maybe it was a phase in her life that she was over. She was relieved. She focused on her schoolwork and making friends. She was happy and comfortable. She discovered that she enjoyed writing poetry after learning about it in English.

Midway through the semester, there was a new girl in her science class. Her name was Grace. Shanna knew the moment that they locked eyes that this girl was special. She knew that what she had felt since she was nine years old wasn’t just a phase. Locking eyes with Grace, she knew that this would be harder to just shrug off.

Grace and Shanna spent a lot time passing notes for the remainder of the school year. They became very good friends. Shanna was sure that Grace felt the same for her that she did, but she was too afraid to ask. She wasn’t ready to cross that line still. She was still worried about what her family would think of her. Every time she and Grace touched, she felt a rush through her body that. She couldn’t describe the feeling and she did her best to fight off the urge to shiver.

At the end of the year, Grace moved away. Shanna was heartbroken. She never got the nerve to say how she really felt, but she knew that she loved Grace. She cherished every single letter she got from Grace and read them over and over. Now, she’d never see Grace again. Never get the courage to tell her how she really felt.

Years went by, Shanna constantly fought off any crushes she had on girls. She dated guys that she really cared about. She was happy, but she never really felt whole. She spent quite a few years wondering about Grace and what had happened to her. She felt restless. The happier she felt with who she was, the sadder she felt about what she wasn’t.

When she was seventeen, she finally let her guard down. She met a lovely girl named Tammy who she really liked. They got close. Tammy was her first girl kiss. Sadly, her stepmother caught the kiss and forbid Shanna ever speak to Tammy again. She was crushed. She realized she’d never be able to fully be who she felt inside she was.

(To Be Continued)